Theodore, We Hardly Knew You
by Smitty91
Summary: Wrought with grief and guilt, Alvin blames himself for the fact that Theodore is now dead and gone. Can his family and friends help him to forgive himself and get out of his funk?
1. Chapter 1

Theodore, We Hardly Knew You

Chapter 1

It happened so fast that it was unbelievable, yet it happened so slow that it seemed as if time itself had stopped. No one said a word. No one moved. They all just stood there in the eerie silence that followed the event, their mouths open and their eyes wide, as the piercing sounds of the sirens from the ambulance grew louder and louder as it drew close to the crime scene. Blood covered the street from where he lay, unconscious, not moving.

Alvin played the scene over and over again in his head as he sat in the waiting room of the hospital. His muscles were tight. He was tense. He had his traditional cap in his hands, strangling it to where it was nothing but a crumpled mess. He kept his head down. His eyes were cast down at his feet. He refused to look up at anyone. He refused to speak to anyone. He drew in a shaky breath. His emotions were getting the better of him. No, not here. Not now. At least not until he was in the safety and comfort and privacy of his bedroom, where he could weep without feeling shame for doing so. Honestly, he didn't know why he was so ashamed of showing emotions in front of his friends and family. Perhaps it had something to do with the mindset that men didn't cry. Crying isn't manly. Men weren't allowed to cry in sports. Crying was for sissies, for pussies. It wasn't for big macho men like him.

He jumped as something brushed against the left side of his body, and he slowly turned his head to see his younger brother Simon sitting down next to him. A bottle of water was in his hand. He took a sip. They didn't speak to each other. He didn't even acknowledge Alvin. Maybe he thought this whole mess was Alvin's fault. That's at least how Alvin felt regarding the situation.

Alvin licked my lips as the water from the condensation rolled down the bottle, reminding him of his own thirst. He tentatively reached out to take it, his thirst getting the better of him. He quickly withdrew his hand for fear that he would be scolded by his younger brother. It was funny how their roles had been reversed. Despite that he was only five minutes younger than Alvin, Simon could very easily as have been Alvin's parent and no one would have questioned it. If the worst were to happen, that being Dave passing away, he could very easily take care of Alvin, provide for them. One would think that with him being the oldest, Alvin would have been able to fulfill this role. But, no. He was the rowdy one, the irresponsible one. The bastard child.

Simon looked at him. His eyes were bloodshot. Clearly, he had been crying. As if his eyes weren't enough evidence for this, his nose was running. He momentarily lifted a handkerchief to his nose and dabbed at it before proposing the bottle to Alvin and asking me if he wanted the drink. Alvin accepted the drink thankfully and downed about half the bottle in one swig before giving it back to him. Alvin must have been more thirsty than he thought. Nonetheless, Simon glared at him before bending down to set the bottle at his feet.

They sat in silence for a while. Alvin's hands still maintained a strong hold on his cap. He thought he was just strangling it to keep himself calm, to keep himself from letting out an emotional outburst. If that was the case, then he doubted that he would be putting his cap back on any time soon. Until he knew the condition of his little brother, he wasn't letting go of his cap.

Dave had been gone for over half an hour, leaving the boys to sit by themselves while they waited to hear any word from either him or the doctor himself. They had been able to keep themselves calm throughout the entire car ride to the hospital and even when they weren't allowed to go back and see their little brother. Naturally, Alvin had put up more of a fight than Simon, who merely decided to obey the doctor's orders without question and sit down and wait patiently to hear what was going on. Alvin wasn't that way. He wanted answers and he wanted them now! He wasn't going to sit around waiting for hours on end just to hear how his little brother was doing!

He let out a sad sigh and shook his head. There was no point in objecting to the doctor's orders. It was best to remain calm and keep a level head. Otherwise he would be thrown out of the hospital for disorderly conduct. That was the last thing that he wanted, especially at a crucial time like this. It was important that he remained calm and collected. If anything, at least for Simon. He couldn't exactly tell, but he knew that Simon had to be a nervous wreck.

The Chipettes and Miss Miller arrived a few minutes later, bursting through the emergency doors. Eleanor demanded that she be allowed to see her beloved Theodore. Her demands were not met and she was instead told to sit down and be quiet. Miss Miller picked her up and carried her over to a set of chairs that were across from Alvin and Simon, setting her daughter in her lap. Alvin was a bit surprised that Brittany wasn't already blaming him for this whole fiasco. Then again, he was doing enough blaming for the both of them.

Simon got up to get another bottle of water. Like Alvin strangling his cap, drinking water seemed to be his way of coping with the sudden issue that they were dealing with. At least he was calm and not ranting and raving and demanding to see his youngest brother. Alvin wouldn't have blamed him if he would have been. Alvin himself wanted to see him, but yet knew that he had to stay put and be quiet.

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing Alvin knew someone was shaking his arm. He stirred and almost fell out of the chair as a result. He had only put his head down for a moment or two. He hadn't actually intended on falling asleep. After rubbing his eyes, he looked up to see Simon staring down at him. Dave was standing beside him. Simon nodded his head towards the hall and began following Dave. Alvin got the message and followed the two of them without question, leaving the Chipettes and Miss Miller behind. He hoped that Simon or at least Dave had told them that they would let them know how Theodore was doing. Eleanor especially deserved to know what was going on.

They rode the elevator up to the third floor in silence. Alvin stood staring at his feet, whereas Simon stood with an agitated look on his face, his arms crossed. Alvin guessed that Simon must have been mad at him. They stepped off the elevator and took a right, Dave leading the way towards the room where Theodore was being kept in. A doctor stopped us.

"Mr. Seville," he addressed Dave, "I believe I had better have a word with you alone."

Dave simply nodded and gave his sons a couple of dollars, ushering them down the hall, saying that there was a vending machine down there so they could get something to eat if they liked. Alvin of course put up some resistance, but was eventually forced to obey orders when Simon gingerly took his arm and led him down the hallway, the dollars tightly clutched in his hand. But Alvin didn't want food; he wanted to know what was going on with his little brother.

Alvin felt like he was going to explode if he didn't know what was going on with Theodore. They had been waiting for over two hours now and they had yet to hear anything. Perhaps he was just in surgery and they were doing their best to revive him. After all, the paramedics had said that he wasn't breathing when they'd picked him up. Alvin hoped to God that they were just spending their time operating on him. The worst case scenario was that he was dead, and Alvin couldn't live with that. Not at all.

Dave did his best to console them and reassure them that everything was fine, but he wasn't doing a very good job. Simon was shaking like mad and Alvin was doing his best to keep his emotions in check. Neither one of them was doing a good job of this either. He might as well have been in the corner, rocking back and forth on his haunches while he let out soft whimpers. Dave was holding him and he had his face buried in Dave's chest while Dave rocked him. At least he felt comforted and secure.

After four hours, Dr. Duvall approached them and all eight of them stood up. Alvin still clung to Dave and merely turned his head to look at the doctor.

"Miss Miller, why don't you take the boys?" Dave suggested.

"What?" Alvin asked. "No!"

"Alvin, go with Miss Miller, and that's an order."

He wasn't giving Alvin an option. The red-clad chipmunk let out a dejected sigh and allowed himself to be led out of the hospital by Simon. He gave Alvin an encouraging smile and he couldn't help but smile back at him. Simon's smile was so warm, so comforting. Yet in the pit of Alvin's stomach, he had the unsettling feeling that whatever the doctor had to tell Dave wasn't good news.

It was past their bedtime by the time Dave came home from the hospital. Thankfully, it was the weekend, so Miss Miller had allowed them to stay up so that they could know what was the story on Theodore's condition. They all sat in the living room watching cartoons, trying to comfort themselves. Dave walked in the house looking saddened. Simon muted the television, but Alvin just went ahead and turned it off. All of their eyes were on him as he wobbled to the nearest chair and sat down.

"So?" Simon asked timidly. "How is he?"

Dave gave no answer.

"Dave, what's wrong with my Theodore?" Eleanor asked.

Dave looked up at her, a stern look on his face. "What I have to tell you isn't really easy for me to say right now . . ."

They all waited, holding their breath, to hear how Theodore's was doing, but none of them expected to hear good news.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was all a dream. At least that's what Alvin thought when he rolled over onto his right side. He slowly opened his eyes and glanced over at Theodore's bed, hoping that his little brother would be in his bed. Theodore's back would be faced towards him and his body would be moving up and down as he breathed. However, that wasn't what Alvin saw. What he saw was an empty bed, its sheets tucked in. The pillow was resting up against the headboard. Perhaps Theodore was already up and downstairs in the kitchen having breakfast.

Alvin rolled over to see that Simon was already getting up. He watched Simon walk over to his dresser, grab a set of clean clothes, and then finally retreat to the bathroom, his feet pattering against the wooden floorboards like he had webbed feet like a duck. Alvin decided to get up himself, though he would have to wait until Simon got done with his shower before he could take mine. He decided that he might as well go ahead and get some breakfast while he was waiting.

Dave was seated at the kitchen table when Alvin entered. He seemed to be a bit surprised to see the red-clad chipmunk since he gave Alvin a questionable look. Alvin understood why. He wasn't usually up this early. He liked to sleep in. Nonetheless, Dave acknowledged him with a nod of his head while he went to the cabinet to fetch a box of cereal. He looked over at Dave as he was making his bowl and asked, "Don't you have to be at work today?"

Dave shook his head. "Not today."

Alvin sighed and sat down across from Dave at the table, idly picking at his cereal. In all honesty, he wasn't very hungry and was merely eating breakfast just so he had something to do. He hated the weekends. There was never anything to do.

"So," Dave took a sip of his coffee, "how are you?"

"Fine." Alvin nodded his head as he at least tried to eat a spoonful of cereal.

"The funeral is this Tuesday. Are you going or what?"

Alvin nodded his head yet again, waiting until he swallowed before he responded. "Yeah, of course." He finally made eye contact with Dave. "How's Eleanor?"

"She's not doing too well, Alvin."

Alvin frowned. "Figures."

Alvin's hands felt numb as they shakily tied his tie. He slid it underneath the jacket of his tuxedo. He ran his hand through his hair in hopes of straightening it out. But, no. It just stuck out at odd angles like angles. He let out a soft growl of frustration before finally turning and leaving the bedroom, descending the stairs. His legs wobbled as he walked. His whole body felt numb. _What is wrong with me?_

Simon and Dave were all ready to go by the time Alvin reached the bottom of the stairs. Without a word, he followed both of them outside to Dave's car and got in. Simon sat in the passenger seat while Alvin sat in the backseat. He didn't particularly care; He wasn't in the mood for any arguing with Simon. Besides, it didn't really matter anyway. Along the way to the funeral parlor, he watched as they sped past the various buildings and the people walking up and down the sidewalk. It was so quiet that it was almost frightening.

They got to the funeral parlor and walked in, various friends and family members giving their sympathy. Alvin was quite surprised when Brittany approached him and told him how sorry she was for their loss before walking over to a pair of seats and sitting with Jeanette. Though it wasn't appropriate for the given situation, he smiled. It wasn't every day that she was especially nice to him. Most of the time the two of them were at each other's throats; today, however, she seemed to be less of a bitch.

The funeral went by agonizingly slow, not that Alvin was in a hurry to get it over and done with. After all, now was a time for grieving and reflecting on the past and the happy memories they'd had with their little brother. He flinched at one point when he felt shaking fingertips grip his hand and close in around it. He looked over to his right and saw that Simon was holding his hand, giving him a look of sorrow. He smiled at him, appreciating the gesture.

_My fault. _

That was the phrase that kept repeating over and over in Alvin's head, even through the song selection. He didn't understand what was causing him to think this way, but he had been thinking this way for the past few days, ever since the incident and the various hours he'd spent in the hospital. Maybe it really was his fault. Alvin had been behind Theodore, after all, and he could have easily grabbed Theodore and pulled him back before the car struck him. Then again, no one had seen the car coming; it seemed to have come out of nowhere. Alvin hoped to God that Simon nor anyone else blamed him for the incident. It wasn't really his fault, was it? No, it wasn't. At least he hoped it wasn't. Maybe he just didn't want to believe the voice in his head that was trying to convince him that it really was his fault.

It was cold out when the coffin was lowered into the ground. Theodore's headstone showed his date of birth and date of death, followed by his mother and father. It was during this moment that Alvin found it quite hard to not tear up. They were putting his little brother in his grave, for crying out loud! How could he not be upset?! He was surprised that he hadn't teared up upon seeing him in the open coffin before the ceremony had begun. He hoped that Simon didn't think that he wasn't taking any of this seriously; it just wasn't like him to show emotion at things like this. He hadn't cry at _Titanic_, so he sure as hell wasn't going to cry at something like this, at least not in front of all these people. He would wait until he was alone to let the waterworks start flowing.

They silently went back to the car and drove home once the burial was completed, all of their friends and family sobbing uncontrollably as they walked. Alvin still held Simon's hand as they walked. He was sure Simon appreciated the gesture as much as he did. They strolled silently, both of their heads down. Neither one of them made eye contact. As a matter of fact, they hadn't made eye contact since they'd woken up. Simon was probably afraid that if they looked at each other, he would start crying and wouldn't be able to stop, not that he hadn't been doing a lot of crying since the ceremony, mind you.

No one was particularly hungry for lunch when they got home. Everybody went their separate ways. Dave went to his bedroom to take a nap. Simon went in the basement to do some work. Alvin went in the living room to watch some television, to hopefully get his mind off things. As he passed a table, he noticed a _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic _DVD. Picking it up and flipping it over to look at the back cover, he let a smile come across his face. The show that looked like it was made with the brightest colors imaginable had been one of Theodore's favorite shows. Of course, Alvin, along with his peers, had made fun of Theodore, albeit he hadn't gone as far as some of the others, calling him a queer, a fag, a homo. Personally, Alvin had never gotten what the hell was so popular about the show that it warranted so much fan art on the Internet. Perhaps now was as good a time as any to go ahead and watch it. At the very least it would hopefully give him some laughs and help him lighten up.

He watched the first few episodes. He did the math in his head and realized that it would take him a full day to watch the entire season in one sitting. He couldn't do that. After all, he had school the following day. Perhaps he could watch a few episodes every day after school after getting through with his homework. What struck him as weird was the fact that he was actually enjoying himself, laughing along with the other ponies at their jokes and whatnot. It was strange, but he at least now understood why Theodore had enjoyed the show so immensely.

He was hungry by the time dinner was called. He had been so into the show that he hadn't even noticed that Dave had come downstairs and had started making dinner. He walked in the kitchen just as Simon was coming down. The three of them sat down at the table, giving each other mournful looks at the fact that their little butterball was no longer joining them. A thought struck Alvin as he considered this: _How do we move on without the heart? _

Theodore had always been the heart of our little family. Alvin had been the bastard child, whereas Simon had always been the intelligent one. Ironically, Simon and Alvin often found themselves working with each other, mostly to work out one of Alvin's "idiotic schemes," as Simon liked to call them. Theodore would oftentimes be seen participating in his schemes. He often had to bribe Theodore with food in order to get him to help Alvin out. Usually, it didn't go well for Alvin, but Theodore rarely, if ever, go in trouble, and it had pissed Alvin off beyond all reason. Damn his cuteness! How did he do it? Alvin didn't understand it.

Their dinner was a lot quieter than usual. They ate with their heads down. Rarely did they look at each other. Alvin tried to find a way to make conversation. After sitting in front of the television for over two hours watching ponies, the silence was starting to get to him. He looked at Simon and opened his mouth to say something, but he might as well have had cotton in his mouth, his throat was so dry. He took a drink of his sweet tea in hopes that this would help combat the cotton-like taste in his mouth. It worked, but he could still not think of anything to say. He shook his head in frustration and finally went back to eating.

After watching a few more episodes of _Friendship is Magic_, Alvin went upstairs to take a shower and go to bed. The shower lasted quite long. He didn't want to get out of the shower; the hot water felt good sprinkling down his stressed body. The soap smelled so fresh and clean that it was almost intoxicating. There was something about being in the shower that somehow transported him to a new world, the same feeling he got when watching _Friendship is Magic_. He knew that Simon would eventually like to take a shower himself and he only got out when he heard Simon pounding on the bathroom door. He got into his pajamas and brushed his teeth, unlocking the door so that Simon could go ahead and get in the shower. It was quite uncomfortable to be in the same room as Simon as he was undressing to jump in the shower. Alvin eventually opened the medicine cabinet just so Simon was out of his line of sight.

Alvin made his way to their bedroom with the unfortunate realization that he would have a very hard time sleeping tonight just like the past previous nights. He probably wouldn't be able to get to sleep until well past midnight. Hejust couldn't get to sleep and he was strongly starting to think about maybe going to see his doctor and getting prescribed to sleeping pills to help him. Or maybe it was just stress that was causing him to have sleeping problems. School was going to be murder considering the fact that he was grieving. He slipped into bed and lied down on his side, his back towards Simon's bed and him facing Theodore's bed. He noticed his little brother's collection of stuffed animals at the foot of the bed. Without thinking, he got up and grabbed his stuffed bunny, snuggling it close to his body as he went to sleep. Regardless, he knew that it wouldn't help him with getting to sleep. It was still going to be a rough night, he realized.


End file.
